hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you made out with another girl for some wings
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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