Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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