He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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