hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
