Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
