I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
