I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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