i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize