Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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