In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
