Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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