And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
