I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize