I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
