im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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