just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
