So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize