Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
