Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize