im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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