wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
