3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
