Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
