I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize