What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
