Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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