So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
