Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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