the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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