I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
