Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize