That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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