my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
