I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
