The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
