The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
