Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
