my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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