Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
