My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
