Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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