i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
