drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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