I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
