I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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