my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize