meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
