i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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