Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
