I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
