I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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