Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
