I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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