that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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