I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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