my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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