this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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