i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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