Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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