I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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