i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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