Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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