whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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