I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
being pregnant is like rehab
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
