Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize