it wasn't lemon gatorade
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
only you would photoshop your dick
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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